My grandmother claimed she would haunt me after she was gone. She passed 6 years before Fleur was born. And when I see behavior I am sure came to her through me, I realize this was prophesy.
She would have turned 100 soon. And I am sure would be so very amused by this descendant hellion.
In the summer, before she would get in the car, Fleur had to walk over to the roses and smell them. Usually it meant me lowering one down to where she could.
It became part of her morning ritual. So, now that the roses are gone, we have shifted into denial for the past month or so. She hasn’t forgotten, but she doesn’t ask every morning anymore.
I need to plant some fall blooming flowers for her, I guess. Though, it would just shift the problem to winter.
From the Good News Network, “Science-Backed Tips for Maximizing Play Time With Kids“. Thankfully, I do try to incorporate all of these when playing with Fleur.
Pillar One: Active
Stay “active” as you play and interact with your child, for example, by incorporating literary and STEM elements into your speech and interactions.
Zosh said this could mean counting the apples out loud as you put them in your basket at the grocery store or asking your child what letter each block starts with as you build a tower. She also said asking lots of questions — such as “What would happen if we mixed these blue and yellow paints together?” or “What might happen if we stack the red square block on top of the yellow triangle block?” — can be helpful, as well.
Pillar Two: Engaged
“Try to limit distractions as much as possible, including background television and your own smartphone use,” Hassinger-Das said. “These types of distractions are sometimes unavoidable, but they do have the potential to take away from these high-quality times with your child. Focusing and staying engaged during play can help you make the most of these interactions.”
Pillar Three: Meaningful
Try building on topics the child is already interested in during play. If they like dinosaurs, you could suggest a make-believe scenario where you dig for dinosaur fossils at the playground. Or, you can integrate information about dinosaurs like counting how many bones they have and what they ate.
“If you are reading a book set in a different state, get out a globe or a map app and explore where the state is and how the weather there is different from where you live,” Zosh said. “Helping children build connections helps them weave together a rich world of understanding.”
Pillar Four: Socially interactive
The researchers advised letting your child lead in play time while you offer support along the way. For example, let your child decide what to build with blocks while asking questions like, “What would happen if you placed that block in a different direction?” or “How many more blocks do you think it would take to build a tower as tall as you?”
Pillar Five: Iterative
Children are naturally scientific thinkers — they like to experiment, see what happens, and try again and again until something works. The researchers advised giving your children opportunities to guess what will happen, conduct “experiments,” make up new words to favorite songs, and make mistakes. Every mistake leads to learning.
Pillar Six: Joyful
Finally, making playtime joyful can be done in many ways, including incorporating elements of surprise.
“Playing with shadows and asking which one is bigger or how you can make your shadow grow or shrink is one way to foster surprise and joy,” Hassinger-Das said. “Similarly, think about what helps your child connect with whatever brings them joy, from construction with a cardboard box to playing vet with their stuffed animals.”
In the original post, I described Fleur as a micromanager.
Micromanager
Almost a year later, I think things have improved somewhat.
Much of this is my understanding the boss’ expectations and processes better. Much of this could be her appreciating my efforts to keep her world efficient and well run.
I still am working on how to address the things that still frustrate her. For instance, I need to improve acknowledgement instead of just trying to complete it. Many times the task takes longer than a few seconds, so she thinks I am not paying attention.
Listening to “Love is an open door” from the Frozen soundtrack…
[Hans:] Can I say something crazy?
Love is an open door
[Anna:] [giggles]
[Hans:] Will you marry me?
[Anna:] Can I say something even crazier?
[Fleur:] NO!
She throws in the NO louder and just before Anna can say yes. And just laughs so hard at herself it is infectious.
Being an older parent of a preschool child, I marveled in the toddler stage at how much energy she manifested in the constant need to play, explore, and otherwise get into trouble. I wore a watch that tracked calories in the amount of moving and heart rate. Going to work and the gym, I would burn about 3,500 calories. Staying home with Fleur by myself, I would burn about 4,000.
Seeing this article about toddlers burning 50% more calories, I believe it.
When the scientists plotted metabolic rates across life span, they found infants are born with the same metabolic rates as their mothers, when adjusted for their smaller body size. But between 9 and 15 months, they rev up their cells to burn energy faster, the team reports today in Science.
Little kids burn so much energy, they’re like a different species, study finds. Ann Gibbons. Science. Aug. 12, 2021
Children’s metabolic rates stay high until age 5, but the rate slowly begins to glide down until it plateaus around age 20. Interestingly, adult rates are stable until age 60, when they begin to decline. After age 90, humans use about 26% less energy daily, Pontzer says.
Crazy.
So… I definitely need to get back into shape to keep up with the little Tasmanian Devil for the next decade.
I also will worry less about her eagerness for carbohydrates. She is burning through them hard right now. Will still push the proteins as she needs them to grow muscle.
Fleur has a tablet which I let her use under supervision. Instead of just watching movies or shows, I introduced her to a couple games.
One, My Baby Unicorn, has the use care for a unicorn. Basically a graphically intense Tamagotchi. At this age, Fleur doesn’t understand the need to keep each of the needs from reaching empty.
Still, the dopamine rush gets her excited to do the various things. I can see supervision is going to be important for decades to come. Without it, she may become as addicted as I am. So, I will try to set limits that will help her learn discipline.
At the botanical garden, Fleur started singing, “the way of the flowers,” over and over. I think we gave her the correct name. She loves being at the gardens and looking at the flowers. And even just being in nature. We try to go to places where she can.
Thinking about the way of the flowers…
Living in sub-tropical zone, it really hurts to be outside right after school in July and August.
Occasionally, she will tell stories about an event that happened at daycare. Almost all of them are another kid pushed her or her BFF. That, of course, raises our alert. But, in asking follow up questions, I sometimes question whether it really happened at all.
I know her class has lots more boys than girls. I am fairly sure the boys are all the youngest with older brothers. On the other hand, I am pretty sure Fleur is as tall as any of them, though not has heavy. If the class were a baby fight club, then she would hold her own.
Usually she says the perpetrator said they were sorry.
Having the toddler potty trained is a relief. It makes life at home so much easier. Fleur tells she has to go and does.
The trick was away from home January to April were during the pandemic. Stores generally had open restrooms. Some parks we frequented did as well, but most did not.
There was also the visiting the restrooms because they are there. She saw a place we know has one and tells us she needs to go. I started to think of it as Pavlovian: seeing a place with one was a reminder that maybe she needed to go.
The anxiety mainly manifested when she said she had to go, but we did not have a clear place to take her.
There are portable seats. Maybe that makes sense when often find ourselves in that situation and/or with multiple kids. For us, it was 4-5 times a week.
We seem past the trials part and into a groove. The next problem was false positive claims of needing to go. She claimed to need to go and didn’t. That seems to have ceased.
She also has started sometimes wanting privacy. Which makes sense. I waited outside the stall but in the bathroom.
