This idea that kids’ behavior is a reflection on the parent creates such a fear-based parenting culture, but all kids mess up. It’s part of learning self-control and how to behave in a given situation.
Washington Post, Phyllis Fagel, “8 ways to change a child’s ‘bad’ behavior“
This resonated with my having very recently read some parenting group conversations on handling bad behavior. And had some in-person conversations with friends.
Some parents certainly seem to take bad behavior as a personal attack on themselves. Some people seem to judge the behavior of kids as a personal reflection of the parent. Bad behavior means the parent is a failure.
It made me super uncomfortable as a teenager and young adult for people to compliment my parents on how well behaved I was. Their experience with me was such a small slice of life. They were making this judgement on me behaving my best in an easy environment to do so. Sure, if I had managed to stay well behaved in a super challenging situation, then I guess it would be warranted. Not so sure in the moment I would have agreed.
I do need to remember to take into account the kids being their own entities before reacting to behaviors.